The truth.

Yes, I’m smiling most of the time. Travel heals and makes me happy. I find pleasure in the adventure and unknown. As a chatty gal, I have no problem making a new friend or striking up a conversation. I love being out on the road, and exploring new places.

But depression is wicked, cunning and lurking. I’ve had two super rough days the past two weeks. I got run down and sick in Tofino, and had to rest and catch up on sleep. Feeling better after a couple of days, I was back at it. Today, it hit me… I became… homesick. As I began missing familiar things, places and good friends, it occurred to me that I’m homesick without a home to long for.

My heart started to hurt. I called my support network pals, and followed my instincts… it was time to head back to the US, so I turned towards Montana and began to drive the other way.

The universe is funny, I was guided to a beautiful ashram where I could cry, meditate and take in the juicy delicious light.

The trauma I experienced this past year, and over my lifetime lingers in corners and waits for a vulnerable moment. I’m so happy and excited when .. a word, a memory or a conversation can twirl me through the pain again. Seeing a montage of it flickering through my mind as I’m trying to be present and enjoy the giant mountains and lakes. The toxic darkness is like hard scar tissue under the surface of smoother layers of skin.

Tomorrow, self care day at the ashram, yoga, mediation, writing and reflection. Going to indulge in the things that honor the goddess of me.